My Mama's Zongzi

People usually think of their moms on Mother's Day. But I only think of my mom on Dragon Boat Festival.

My mom is a very strict, very demanding parent. For an unfinished bite of rice in my bento box or a wrong answer to a question in my workbook, she could grab a cane, a clothes hanger, or anything that came in handy and spank me until my butt was all red and swollen. If there was no cane, clothes hanger, or any other tool for her to grab, she would just grab my hand and bite it.

Needless to say, I'd be severely punished when my test scores didn't meet her standard (her only standard was perfect scores). My mom used to say, "I beat you for your own good. What child doesn't get spanked? How can you get better grades if I don't spank you?"

When it was near Mother's Day, my teacher in school told the class, "Let's make cards for all the moms. Your moms will be so happy to receive them!"

I brought the hand-made card home, my mom took the card and said, "Why did you waste time making such a useless thing? Why didn't you use the time to study?" Then she turned around and threw the card into the trash can.

However, the Dragon Boat Festival was a different story. Every year, my mom would start brushing the bamboo leaves, cooking the fillings, and getting ready to make zongzi--the rice dumplings Chinese people enjoy on the Dragon Boat Festival--a few days before the festival. Because the Dragon Boat Festival is on May 5th of Lunar Calendar, typically right before the finals, my mom always said, "wo-bao-zong, bao-ni-zong!" It'a a play on Chinese words, basically meaning "I make rice dumplings, guarantee you good grades." She made zongzi with the hope that me and my sisters would all get good grades on the exams.

My mom always got together with her sister--my aunt--to make zongzi. She's always in a good mood when doing that. She'd laugh and talk a lot. That's the best time to show her my failed test papers. She'd frown and say, "I'll settle this with you after I finish with the zongzi." But by the time zongzi were done, she'd forgotten about my tests.

My dad once told me that my mom was the best mom because after giving birth to me, she stayed at home for ten years with little social or entertainment life. While I know my dad was praising my mom, it sounded like nothing but a spine-chilling horror story to me. Now looking back, making zongzi with her sister might have been a rare emotional outlet for my mom in her life as a mother.

When the zongzi were done, my mom would make sure to serve them nice and hot, urging us to eat more. She'd say, "Eat up! Eat up! Is it good? Eat more and score more!" The truth is, my mom's zongzi were beautiful but not particularity good because she liked seafood and always put a lot of dried shrimps, scallops, and dried oysters in them. I, on the other hand, hate fishy food and don't like any of these ingredients. But still, I enjoyed my mama's zongzi. This is the only time of the year that I felt that Mama still loved me.

From the best high schools in Taiwan to private universities in America, my mom's zongzi and canes drove all her daughters into prestigious institutes. On one hand, she was successful.

On the other hand, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and novelist Margaret Mitchell said that a young girl's imagination is only enough to send her to her wedding altar without knowing that the real life actually starts after the wedding. Under my mom's high-pressure parenting, my imagination was only enough to send me to the day I entered an elite college without knowing that real life actually starts after graduation. It turned out, real life only started after all the exams were done. Did my mom ever understand that?

My mom stopped making zongzi after my little sister was admitted to National Taiwan University. She said that we had all been admitted to top schools and there is no need to "wo-bao-zong, bao-ni-zong" anymore. But I think that's also because she was aging and suffering from a weak left arm after having her left armpit lymph nodes removed due to breast cancer. Gradually, I almost forgot what her distinctive seafood zongzi tasted like.

Between my mom and my aunt, there are six children, and only my youngest cousin learned how to make zongzi. Last summer she took her children to visit me in America and showed me how to make seafood zongzi. When the zongzi were done, she served them nice and hot. I took a bite, and a tear dropped on the back of my hand, where I have a scar left by my mom's bite when I was a child.

Mom, I really don't like what you did. But I want to believe that you tried your best.

*This post was originally published in Chinese on June 29, 2020 on Parenting.com.tw. This is an English translation revised on June 3, 2024.